June 17, 2009 on 12:45 pm | In | No Comments

So much is going on right now. Vinny excommunicated me (because it finally dawned on him that I pick Jerry over him), We are moving in a month to Hinesburg to an adorable house, Jerry is in the LCI derby this weekend, we have to get all our stuff packed up, Father’s Day, and I transferred to Dorset.

Our house in Hinesburg is so adorable. It’s on 10 acres of woods on a dirt road (memories!). It’s a funky little house with character. It has a wood stove and a nice open floor plan on the bottom floor. The top floor has a little balcony, a 3/4 bath, and a few rooms. I’m so excited for the move because it will be like a huge step toward womanhood. It also reaffirms Jerry’s desire to be with me, I believe.  I’m not really paranoid anymore about him breaking up with me. I know he loves me.

Dorset transfer is wild. Anthony is my general manager. He’s a really cool guy. He’s an Italian from Jersey, and is quick to speak his mind. He tends to talk like Jerry, but is more passionate with his words. We work well together. He loves his wife and family, and unlike Rhoda actually cares more about family than work. The employees are a bit disheveled, misdirected, and acting on survival tactics. Anthony has been very quick and frequent to steer me clear of making friends, which he believes is one of my biggest weakness as a manager. Meaghan from Williston actually has her first day here today. She’s the “last Williston” person allowed to transfer to Dorset, per Dave H. Rhoda must feel like we are robbing her blind. I transferred to Dorset, we’ve had lots of Williston servers switch shifts, and we rehired two cooks she fired (I don’t agree with that last part…). I do wish we could steal Buddy though. I miss him so much.

Katie is being dumb. I texted her last night to see if we could share a campsite with her and I’d split the cost, and she said no because Luis would feel uncomfortable around people he doesn’t know (i.e. Jerry and Jay). DUMB.

So I called the campground today since I finally have the time off and the money to get a reservation, and they don’t even have a campsite for that weekend, which is when Jerry would have been able to come. I said screw it and reserved 3 boxhall which is probably a little site (just peeked at the map, not a bad location though). Jay and I will share that one and I have no idea what we’ll do now for the weekend when Jerry is able to come.

I don’t know what else to say. I got my period a week early and that’s confusing to me. I missed about two pills this month, but that shouldn’t have changed my cycle so much. Jerry told me not to worry about it. I usually Google things when I freak out about something weired with my body (my damn fissures have been going on over a year now!), and I usually just end up freaking myself out over whatever it is I read online. Jerry says just ask him from now on when something weird happens, and stop googling health stuff.

I still have only caught one fish this year. I’ve been fishing at least 10 times. LAME. Just a rock bass. I hope Jerry and his friend Matt kick booty this weekend during the LCI. He’s bought tons of new stuff for the boat and tackle and we even spent 70 dollars at dicks on tackle the other day. I hope it pays off, or at least they have a blast.

tata.

Uncertainty
April 30, 2009 on 1:23 am | In | No Comments

Well, today Jerry had his talk with Grandpa, and he said it went pretty well. Basically he made the point he had to make but did it in a polite way, so it sounds as though it did the trick. Apparently they even ended the conversation on a joking note. Jerry told me this on the phone tonight, since I was at work.
He talked about how tempted he was to throw it all away [the relationship] due to how complicated it had become overnight. He said that things were so much easier when he was single, but that he couldn’t let Grandpa win.

This is what made me the saddest. Is the only reason he went to Grandpa instead of saying “fuck it” that he wanted to have the upper hand and bring justice or at least instill some regret into Grandpa for what he was done?

Or was I worth fighting for?

This is upsetting me. I want him to tell me that I was worth what he did and he did it because he loves me and wants us to be together forever.

I will talk to him about it tomorrow, but if he was so close to dumping me, how much does he love me? I feel inside that he loves me a lot but loves having control over everything in his life; something that didn’t happen this week when that fastball was thrown at us.

But love is not simple. I did nothing to cause what happened, but it happened regardless.

I feel like I am worth fighting for. One full year of love and tenderness was absolutely splendid, but I would hate for it to disappear on account of him wanting more control over his life.

Maybe my last day of having a boyfriend.
April 28, 2009 on 12:25 pm | In | No Comments

Something Grandpa did yesterday will seriously live me with the possibility of being single. I can’t believe he did it, and furthermore I can’t believe he did it out of “love.” I haven’t been this scared in so long, and if I lose the best thing to ever happen to me I will be devastated for the rest of my life. I love Jerry so much. He is everything I’m not. We balance each other very well. A few days ago Jerry started even mentioning marraige, something he had sworn he would never do again. I began to entertain the possibility of being married, and furthermore married to him, and it was such a beautiful thing to ponder. We were so in love that night, and then yesterday it all turned around. Mom told me something Grandpa unneedingly dumped in her lap. Something he had done by spying, and something he had only gotten one side of the story about. This thing, and the spying has made Jerry so mad that there is no way my family would ever be able to be at my wedding, and he would have no desire whatsoever to attend so much as a family birthday party or Christmas. What Grandpa did was out of character. And wrong. And I will disown my grandparents if this ever ruins my relationship.